9/14/2021 This Hand is My Hand
The way I see it, the ONLY reason parents feel like they don't know how to be good parents is because the kids are just trying to be themselves in a world that doesn't want them to be. In fact, that world *depends* on them (and all) not being themselves. "Society" (quotation marks) lays the responsibility of raising the child solely on the biological parent...when they don't conform, the parent has failed "society." When they conform, the parent has failed their children. So either way, you're doomed to fail.
I know there is a common diatribe among parents to look down upon the childless when we give parenting advice. I think that mindset is flawed from jump because it implies ownership of the child in the same way that my hand is my hand and no one else's. Out here in the real world, there is only people. One may be born from another, but it is not that person's, and only that person's, responsibility for the raising of that child. We are only responsible for ourselves, and our actions create ripples that affect the entirety of existence, and so we are all accountable for how that child turns out. I am as much that child's parent as you are, even if they descended from your body, even if I never interact with them personally. So too are you as much my parent as the woman from whose womb I descended. Which is to say, not at all, as explained below. So when I give parenting advice, it is only because I am as much a part of society (no quotation marks) as that child is, as much as you are, and as much as hobo joe downtown to the pope in the vatican is. So my advice? Maybe stop thinking of your children as your children and think of them as other people that you live with. You wouldn't snap at me to stop eating sugar or go to bed, so why would you to your children? Respect and trust are born of respect and trustworthiness. If you try to steer someone else's life, no matter how much you believe it is in their best interest, it will only breed resentment as we really only know what's best for ourselves. If you lay your opinions plain and live your life taking your cues from nature instead of what some monetized pod-caster recommends, the children will figure out what's best for themselves, and newsflash: it might not be the same as what's best for you, and the opinions they develop might not be the same as yours. Kind of like how we all have different favorite colors, but a lot of us like the same colors. Lots of differences with plenty of overlaps in styles of living and what makes us tick. If you respect their decisions, through non-judgement, they will cultivate respect for you as well. Your non-judgement can (and probably should) be passive. Saying you're not judging someone implies that you are judging them. There is no need to announce non-judgement as it is an internal practice, much like breathing. Most of the time, I think the ideals that are pushed onto children come not from the parents directly but from the parents' fears of what others will think of them based on their children's decisions and beliefs. So parents end up forcing ideals that aren't even necessarily theirs onto their children, and the children, feeling restricted by this push, start to go against the advice of the parents, just to spite them. This steering-distrust relationship happens, I believe, mostly on a subconscious level and resides in the cracks of the woodwork until someone is brave enough to call it out. We can advise and offer opinions. Advisement is best given when we see someone headed for folly based on our own experiences in similar situations while opinions are best offered only when they are requested. But advice and opinions are where the steering should stop. From there, it is up to the individual to decide for him, her, it, or themselves. As I was reading this to Adam, I asked what he thought of it, and he said he prefers the term brothers and sisters to parents because parent implies ownership, and the problem with parenting (and now I'm paraphrasing and mixing in some of my own additional thoughts) is that parents don't realize (or admit) that they're idiots. Not in a derogatory sense, just that none of us has all the answers, but parents like to think they have all the answers so that they can feel okay forcing their opinions and belief systems upon their children when those very opinions and belief systems are likely flawed and based on misguided information. We then had a discussion about how raising children in the natural world goes, and I realized how much more there is to this picture. I think that the wold we live and raise children in is unnatural and that if we lived our lives according to our own natural impulses, rather than being slaves to capitalism, bureaucracy and authority, we would find that the greater community raises the children as opposed to the nuclear family or hired help taking precedent. I think that would be a lot better for the children and society as a whole because from birth you'd have exposure to a wider range of opinions and beliefs, and so you are better and sooner equipped to make decisions that best suit your own needs as opposed to just aping what your biological parents instilled in you, right or wrong. Sibling jealousy wouldn't even be a flicker in the imagination because if you're allowed to explore the community from birth, you are exposed to a lot of other kids and adults right away, so if your parents have another kid or are otherwise busy, there is always someone else you can hang out with. You don't feel cast aside because you were always a part of a greater community. You could just go wherever you wanted to go because in the natural world, we don't have the stresses that lead to the crimes that force parents to keep their children always within sight. This natural world, of course, doesn't exist. Everyone is too caught up in making up for the emotional atrocities committed against them for that. They buy big flat screen televisions and watches that tell you how much you slept last night because mommy and daddy didn't have as much time for them once their younger sibling came along. Moreover, mommy and daddy don't have time for any of their children because they have what's called duty to "society" that they have to pay for at least 8 hours everyday. There's no time for the children. Children don't fit into "society" (quotation marks). Raising children itself has become a duty to "society" because of the parents having to pay their duty to "society." So now the children are being raised by someone who, sure maybe they got into it because they like kids and so it was the least of all evils, but they're raising your children for the paycheck, not the well-being of the children and society (no quotation marks). I have to say that I quite like the idea of brothers and sisters as opposed to parents, so when I say parents, at least for this post, I merely imply "someone from whom the child receives input," but that doesn't necessarily mean that the parent is older, or even knows better, than the child.
9/8/2021 Root Cause
What we have here is some delicious candied ginger root!! It's one of my favorite treats. I obtained about 2 lbs of ginger root from a local food bank, right at the start of our first triple digit heat wave this past summer. It was in a plastic grocery bag, and the gentleman handling produce offering it to me said, "Here do you want this? It's that..." he couldn't remember the name of it at first, and now I can't remember what he called it, but it was funny. Nor can I remember what I thought it was at first, but it wasn't until I got a look into the bag that I realized what it was: JACKPOT! I love ginger!!
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